I was sent this (thanks, David!) without any comment:
The MOM suite of parenting tools includes “comprehensive caregiving software tied to biometric indicators which communicate wirelessly with MOM, providing corresponding directives for the contemporary parent.”
…and then I saw the date.
I’ll own up to having read the article with growing horror, but my excuse is that I’ve been looking at this little baby:
Parents and carers can, through the KinderGUARDTM secure application software, define the weekly calender of events and locations for their child / children, and then subsequently monitor and report their exact position in real time. The system will also be capable of monitoring and reporting the previous locations of the child over a specified period of time.
KinderGUARDTM will also contain the unique capability to generate and transmit a “biometric signature” that is unique to the wearer– this will enable parents to monitor attributes such as skin temperature, heart signal, stress level, etc. This will also act as confirmation that the device continues to be worn by the intended child
Nope, that one isn’t an April Fool.